Relationship Hiccups

There are hiccups in every relationship no matter what stage of the dating process your in.

Occasional miscommunication, hurt and/or disappointment, unmet expectations, and so much more. How do we fix this?

The key for any relationship is how these hiccups are dealt with. Even a new relationship has missteps as you get to know each other's quirks, preferences and perspectives. It's like dancing with someone new, there will be some stepping on the toes.

If you are not happy about something the person you're seeing does, let them know gently, but clearly? Or do you not anything, just keep it to yourself? Do you take one small, or even big, instance as an indicator of a future pattern? Or do you give them a little breathing room and share with them that you'd prefer something different?

While some behaviors could be indicators of larger issues, they are controlling, mean, inconsiderate, uninterested in your feelings, some are not. While the above are examples of reasons for running out ASAP, I find some couples throw their partners under the bus for minor infractions that can be easily changed if they know and are interested enough to work on changing.

Let me give you an example. Prince Charming (the man I've been seeing for a few weeks now) is retired and loves spontaneity. I am a planner. This has caused us some hiccups when I think that when we talk about getting together the next day it is an agreement. Prince Charming's way of thinking is without a definite time and place, it's a possibility to meet, not a commitment.

When this happened recently, I shared how disappointed I was. He listened, apologized, and said he didn't feel we had set a date. We discussed this openly and maturely and agreed to support each other's needs, but also to be attentive of the need to work together in compromise. I offered that I wouldn't take a suggestion we get together "later in the week" as a commitment, just a hopeful possibility. And he would be better at setting specific times and dates.

We agreed that we would work to have some planned spontaneity, we didn't have to decide exactly what we would do, just when and where we would meet up. I could then have my planning needs met, and we could both decide in that moment what we wanted to do for the day.

If I'd skyrocketed into a rage the first time there was a little hiccup, accusing him of disrespecting me and telling him not to call me again because I won't be treated like that, I would have lost the ability to understand his point of view. Never seeing where we were crossing wires. By being willing to address the issue directly, we saw where we had different mindsets and could then work on a solution, together.

Physically, hiccups are cured by holding your breath, or sometimes by being startled, or many other old-wives tales that I'm sure you could find. Neither are a good cure for relationship hiccups, though.

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