Successful Dating Communication

We know that communication is a two way street.

There is always someone attempting to communicate and hopefully someone attempting to listen. Then there is the message, the noise that is always present, and an encoding and decoding process of that communication.

For simplicity, we will assume the means by which we are communicating is written conversation, much easier to talk about and give examples for.

Do you know how to converse?

Talking with your family and buddies, people you have a natural communication channel setup for is different than talking to someone new. There is always a certain amount of shyness if you are attempting to impress someone, or gain something from this new person your are interacting with, someone you dont fully understand, and someone you dont have that natural communication affinity for.

Are you trying to persuade someone of something? If so, then you have a persuasion argument somewhere that's trying to make it out of your head and into the conversation. In an email, pay attention to words you seem to use to much. What is the context and how are they used? In the decoding process of the conversation, particular words may carry significant emotional weight. If you are attempting to persuade someone of something, you may want to leave that until you are at a more familiar point with the new person that you are interacting with. Remember these important rules; Listen, Become Engaged, and Practice.

Listen

One of the greatest tools in any conversation is to become an interpreter, or listener, to those you are talking with. Repeat key ideas back to the person you are communicating to. In written communication you can do this in question form. Start by asking what they mean by a certain point that they have made, agreeing/disagreeing with the statement repeated.

Everyone likes to know they are being listened to by someone else. Ask questions about the person you are chatting with, simple questions work great! What does s/he like to do? What is this persons favorite food? Education? Community service? All of these are good conversation starters!

Become engaged

By paying attention to what others are saying, you are acquiring knowledge and becoming engaged. What are they interested in and involved with? Is this something that interests you? If so, do some research by asking questions from them, they are knowledgeable about that topic of course! Be a student, and let them take the role of teacher - this will make the other person feel like you are truly engaging with them, it's something they will remember!

Practice

Talk to your friends in new ways. Ask them the same type of questions you would ask someone if you didnt know them. Engage with your friends in new ways that you never have before. If you can do this with someone your familiar with, then you will be able to overcome your shyness with anyone new, and really build some great conversations that will span far beyond that first, and new, encounter.

Conversation should be fun, and it doesn't take a lot of practice. Study the process a little, practice, and never stop trying!

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